June 25th, 2020

I wait around for you daily like a stupid fucking puppy..

Eagerly waiting by the door.

Frantic. Anxious. Pathetic as fuck.

Wishing so badly that you’d come back already.

Excited at every passing car,

Hoping that it’s you coming back to me..

Wanting me,

Needing me,

Missing me,

…loving me.

But it’s never you…

It’s never fucking YOU.

My eager excitement slowly fades,

I slump down on the floor.

Defeated.

Wallowing in this pain of never getting you again like I once did.

Tortured day and night by all the memories I cannot seem to forget.

All the loving moments we shared.

Hearing the sound of your voice telling me sweet nothings and calling me “Mi Amor”..

Having your attention..

Seeing that irresistible smile of yours I somehow seemed to bring whenever you saw me..

I cannot accept this reality.. I’ve been trying to for months.

I don’t want to. But yet I do..

I’m sick of walking around with this hole in my chest. I’m sick of craving and missing someone who is so willing to put me through this hell.

Someone who does not share the same feelings as I do..

The pain is immeasurable and completely unbearable.

It feels like a death.. I am mourning the death of you.. the death of the man who once thought the world of me.. the death of us.

The fact is I’ll never hold a place in your mind,

Like you do mine..

The fact is,

My heart bleeds on the floor for you.

Waiting..

As you’re out there enjoying life.

Forever without me.